Sunday, December 1, 2013

Laugh Out Loud

Today’s Sunday and to beat tomorrow’s Monday’s blues, here’s a few jokes I extracted from “The Star” newspaper to share with everyone:

A Matter of Trust

A police officer is being cross-examined by a defence attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer is trying to undermine the police officer’s credibility.

Lawyer: “Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?”

Cop: “No, sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.”

Lawyer: “Who provided this description?”

Cop: “The officer who responded to the scene.”

Lawyer: “A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?”

Cop: “Yes, sir. With my life.”

Lawyer: “With your life? Let me ask you this then, officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?”

Cop: “Yes, sir, we do.”

Lawyer: “And do you have a lock on your locker?”

Cop: “Yes, sir.”

Lawyer: “Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?”

Cop: “You see, sir, we share the buildinng with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.”

The courtroom exploded with laughter, and a recess was called.



Interviewer: “To whom you owe your success as a millionaire?”

Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”

Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?”

Millionaire: “A billionaire.”


Brother and sisters

One day, a young man tells his father that he is ready to marry and settle down.

His father is happy for him. He asks his son who the girl is, and he tells him that she is the girl next door.

With a sad face the old man tells his son: “I’m sorry son, but I have to tell you the truth. The girl you want to marry is your sister. Please don’t tell your mother.”

The young man shrugs and says he has other girlfriends and names them. But the father tells him the same thing, that they are all his sisters because of his past indiscretions.

The son is upset and decides to tell his mother. “Mom, I want to get married but all the girls that I propose, Dad says that they are my sisters and I mustn’t tell you.”

His mother smiles at him and says: “Don’t worry my son, you can marry any of those girls. You’re not his son.”


Pricey meal

A cannibal is strolling in the jungle and comes upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.

Feeling somewhat hungry, he sits down and looks at the menu:

Raw Tourist: $5

Broiled Missionary: $10

Fried Explorer: $15

Grilled Politician: $100

The cannibal asks the owner: “Why so expensive for a politician?”

The owner replies: “Have you ever tried to clean one? They are so full of shit, it takes all morning!”

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